Strange Situation Discussion Questions
Having her own daughter changed the way Bethany sees her mother and their relationship. If you’re a parent, how has having a child affected your relationship with your parents?
What was it like for you to read about Bethany’s struggles as a new mother? Did you identify with her or Azalea?
When Bethany started writing about her mother, what did you think of her? Did your opinion of her mother change? If so, what did that shift tell you about what it means to be “securely attached”?
In the prologue, Bethany writes, “Anguish turns to love. Separation becomes connection. Without the pain of aloneness, I never would have discovered the depth of my relatedness.” What does she mean by that? How can you relate to this experience of anguish and separation in your own life?
What do you think about the Strange Situation itself? Do you believe it can in fact show something so important about a relationship in just twenty minutes? Would you ever want you or your child to experience the Strange Situation in a lab?
Bethany experienced her childhood and teenage years as very lonely and challenging, and even describes herself as having been a delinquent. After reading the book, how do you see her childhood, especially her relationship with her mom?
How has reading this book changed the way you see your parents, and your children, if you have them?
Bethany writes, “This is the telltale heart of attachment. No matter what secure adults have been through, they are governed by a trust in the importance of love in their life. Even when it hurts.” What does this mean? And how is this different for insecure/dismissing or insecure/preoccupied adults?
Before reading Strange Situation, had you heard of Dr. William Sears and his attachment parenting philosophy? How has your opinion of his books and attachment parenting changed?
How do you think Azalea might feel about how she is represented in the book—now, as a teenager, and as she grows up and has her own children?
Mary Ainsworth never got to be a mother in her own life. Near the end of the book, Bethany writes, “As sad as I am for her, I must confess that I’m grateful, too. Had she been a mother herself, I doubt she would have had the heart to look so closely into the workings of maternal love.” What do you think Bethany means by this? Do you agree with her?
What do you think it is about Mary Ainsworth that drew Bethany to her so passionately?
How does Bethany describe the relationship between attachment and Zen in the book?
At the end of the book, Bethany’s brother Sam reflects, “Got it. So, like, the past is real, but not destiny.” What did he mean by that?